How Lavi Met Allen
by N.A.Given
Summary: Warning: Bad Grammar. AU. Allen, a boy madly in love with Yu Kanda, accidently misdials Kanda’s phone number and calls Lavi instead. Unfortunately, Allen didn’t quite realize who exactly he’s talking to. LAVEN.


Beta: **iloveyounowgoaway**. Seriously, she is probably one of the greatest beta-ers in the world. Granted that we're close friends, I'm probably every beta's worse nightmare; I'm obsessive (about every little word and have to reread my stories 10-ish times after it's published, and I end up messing up on a larger scale because of this behavior; pretty unhealthy in my opinion) and I constantly demand effort from her (though I try to hide it... which never is too discreet). So thanks again! Who else can put up with my random phone calls at 3 a.m. but you? :P

**Disclaimer:** Yes, no, maybe so? Well, the answer is a big, fat "no". I no own; nope, not at all.

One-Shot:

**How Lavi Met Allen:**

* * *

-o-

It was a fairly typical day. Lavi had just gotten home from work and, kicking off his shoes, he collapsed onto his couch.

He glanced causally at the mess that was his living room, surveying the piles of dirty laundry and the mess of worn out books, as he shrugged unconsciously to himself before picking up the latest edition of _The Timely News_ from the coffee table.

_Wonder what's happening today_, he thought with a soft smile lingering on his face. Lavi had always loved reading, although he enjoyed reading the newspaper more than any written medium. Every time he read what was happening around the world, he often felt as if he was watching history write itself, shocking everyone with its unpredictable nature.

While this was an odd hobby of Lavi's, it didn't seem to affect him adversely, even if he could never quite explain the origin of this love (even to himself). He read the paper for a while longer until he reached the pop-culture gossip section. Feeling the topics to be ridiculously overdramatic and a complete invasion of privacy, he soon fell into a light slumber.

-o-

Ring…

Ring… Lavi tossed to the side, uncouthly covering his ears with the paper.

Ring… Lavi pressed the paper harder against his ears and attempted to turn again. But because the sofa was not very wide, he teetered on the edge and clumsily fell to the floor in a loud clatter.

Yelling a muffled "ouch", Lavi awoke with a start. Using one hand to clutch his back from the pain of the fall, he used his other to rub his eyes.

_What's going on? _But he did not have much time to even question what was happening before the phone rang again.

Ring…

"Uh," Lavi grunted before weakly elevating himself from his seat on the floor. Utterly annoyed by the turn of events, he stalked over to the phone.

Rin-

"Hello?" he said into the phone. Though he sounded as if he had just woken up, the irritation in his voice was not discreetly hidden.

"…" No answer came from the other line. This annoyed Lavi even more.

"_Hello?_" he repeated himself, this time in a much ruder tone.

His question was met again with silence. But before Lavi could respond, either by saying something or simply by hanging up, the person on the other end began to speak.

"Please don't break up with me!" the person from the other end blurted out. The voice was definitely male.

Lavi fell to a lost of words. After spluttering for a few moments, he finally regained his composure.

"I'm sorry, but I think you have the wrong number-"

"No Yu! Don't lie to me!" Lavi had to pull the phone away from his ear because of the sudden increase in volume from the other man's voice.

"Wait, what are yo-"

"Why are you doing this to me?"

"Look, I think you have the wrong num-"

"At least tell me what I did wrong!"

"…No really… You have the wrong-"

"Please just tell me what I did wrong!!"

"I don't know what you did wrong so _stop interrupting me_! -You have the wrong number!"Lavi yelled in irritation as he played with the idea of whether or not he should just hang up. Realizing that it was a bit too ignoble to do so, he decided to instead talk his way out of his current predicament.

"Look, seriously, you have the wrong number. I mean, I'm obviously male so I can't possibly be the girl you're looking for."

Lavi heard a gasp from the other line. The other man seemed to have lapsed into a moment of silence.

_Finally! He __must__ realize that he has the wrong number now._

"Look," Lavi continued when it seemed like the other man had no intension of speaking up, "I understand that you must be under a lot of emotional stress, which would explain why you mistakened me for a female, but-"

"Yu…" the man from the other line started in an emotionless voice. It was the same kind of voice ghosts used to scare their victims in those horror movies. "…Why are you doing this to me?"

Lavi fell into another lost of words but the other man didn't wait for him to respond.

"Is this your way of answering my question? Are you trying to tell me something through your odd games again? _–Is this because I'm not a girl??_ I can be more feminine if you want me to be! All you had to do was tell me!"

Now Lavi _really_ felt awkward. After all, not only was he on the receiving end of an emotional breakdown, he was on the receiving end of a _gay_ emotional breakdown. And, to be honest, Lavi found that a bit offensive.

-He did _not_ sound like a gay man!

"Look, you have the wrong number," Lavi repeated, feeling less than kind now. And with that, Lavi reached to hang up his phone.

"No Yu! Why can't you just tell m-"

Click. The phone clicked off. And with a sigh, he turned to head by to his couch.

_That was really odd_, he thought in reference to what had just happened, after his irritation left him. _But I do feel a bit bad for hanging up on him like that._

Lavi sighed softly. _Oh well, too late for any regrets…_

But Lavi only walked a few steps before the phone rang again.

Ring…

"You're kidding me," _but I guess that's what I get for feeling bad._

With another sigh, he turned back to the phone to answer it. "Hello?" he said through a defeated breath of air.

"Yu… I was thinking over why you'd be upset at me and… is it because I call you 'Yu'? Because I know you told me to never call you that, but I never listened… because I thought you secretly found it cute."

Lavi didn't feel aggravated by the boy after that comment, even if the boy had mistaken him for a gay man (though this is mainly attributed to the slight of guilt he felt for his previous rudeness). Instead, he simply felt embarrassed for him as a gauche flush crept onto his face. _A bit too much information…_

"Maybe you'd have a better chance of finding out the answer if you actually _called him_," Lavi muttered into the phone.

"What? What did you say?"

"I said you have the wrong –Ah, you know what; never mind. It's nothing," Lavi waved his hands, as if the boy on the other side could see the motions. Though he really wished the boy had heard what he mumbled, he would feel much too mean if he interrupted his… emotional… thought… session.

Lavi would feel pretty malicious if he just hung up on the boy in mid-rant again so, this time, he was going to hang up after hearing him out. "What were you saying before?"

"I-I was saying that…that," Lavi heard a hiccup on the other line. The boy had started crying. "I don't know! I don't know what I'm supposed to say! W-Why can't you just tell me what you want me to say, and I'll say it! …Why do we always have to play these games of yours? That is… assuming this is a game and that you're not actually breaking up with me…"

_Playing these… __games__…_

_For some reason, that sounded really perverted…_

…Ok. It was official. Lavi now felt more awkward than words could express. It was probably more his imagination than anything else, but that fact didn't lessen how uncomfortable he felt.

"Ok, I can't do this anymore," he said more to himself than anyone else, in regards to him trying to listen and comfort the boy. "I'm only going to tell you this one more time: you have the wrong number."

"N-no!" the boy hiccupped out. "Stop messing with me! Y-You're always trying to mess with me… At least tell me that this is all a game, and that you didn't really mean it when you said you were leaving me!"

Lavi felt the heat rise up to his ears, though he wasn't sure if it was because of embarrassment or annoyance at the boy for putting him into this discomfited situation in the first place. "Listen up and stop making me repeat myself: You have the _wrong_ number!! I'm going to hang up now, and you _better_ not call me back!"

Lavi then reached to place his phone back onto the reciever, just as he heard the boy speak up again.

"No! Please don't hang up! Please tell me what I did wrong!"

"What you did wrong," Lavi said as he pulled the phone back, "is call the incorrect number! _Please_ stop calling me! I thought I would try to be nice and listen to what you had to say but I can't now! –Not after you said that!"

"No! Don't do this to me! I-"

"No! No more 'no's'!" Lavi screamed into the phone, before adding a quick, "And I do not sound gay!"

Click. Lavi slammed the phone down onto the receiver as he panted slightly. There was only so much gay a straight, neither pro- nor anti- homophobic, guy could take.

_I need some porn or something_, he thought in a slight panic. Though Lavi was not someone who owned pornography, he felt that this was a big enough emergency for him to go out to buy some, in order to keep his thoughts away from frolicking with his ridiculous imagination.

After all, just thinking about two guys… playing… _games_.

"Ah!" he exclaimed in frustration as he clutched the sides of his head. "I seriously need some naked girls." (1)

Lavi ran to the closet and grabbed his coat. He reached out for his shoes too but paused when the phone rang again.

Ring…

"No way am I picking up," he mumbled as he put on his shoes. Grasping his keys, he quickly rushed out the door, locked it, and ran down the block.

-o-

Lavi kicked a few stray stones away from his path. Clutching his groceries close, he hummed a light tune as he continued through the streets towards home.

Originally, he left his house with every intension to buy pornography… but the fact of the matter was that Lavi was just not one of those people.

…He tried to buy porn! He really did!

-But he just couldn't bring himself to do something like that. He couldn't look at those pictures unless he got direct permission from the models.

_After all_, he thought, in a humored yet self-dignified fashion_, I am a sort of gentlemen._

(Now that he had been away from that awkward situation, he felt much more like his witty, laid back self).

So instead of buying porn, he spent the time restocking on some much needed groceries. And though he didn't get to ogle at any naked women, he still felt that he had calmed his nerves down as well as reassured his masculinity.

…Because real men buy groceries. (2)

When he finally reached home, he began searching through his pockets for his keys. Smiling at the bag of groceries one last time (he really felt refreshed), he opened the door and walked in.

Silently closing the door, Lavi threw off his shoes and began to enter the kitchen when he noticed the flashings of answering machine.

There went his good mood.

_Missed calls and messages_, he thought to himself. While squinting to see the numbers the machine was flashing, he realized that he was too far away and frowned. Setting the groceries onto the floor, he approached the machine.

And when he was within site range to the machine, his frown deepened.

…_Eight-seven missed calls and… thirty-one messages._

Lavi bite his lips, wondering whether or not he should listen to the messages or simply erase it. But before he could decide, the phone rang again.

This startled Lavi, causing him to stumble back a few steps.

Ring…

Ring…

_No way am I picking that up_, he thought through a mental snort. But even though he sounded indignant and indifferent, he didn't make a move. Instead, he simply stood there, staring at the phone.

Ring…

As he slowly reached out to grab his handset, his answering machine picked up the call.

But the machine didn't play its usual message. Instead, it beeped twice before saying, "this answering box is full."

…_Full?_ His machine could usually fit around forty messages, each about three minutes long. –And a three minute message was a pretty long message.

_Were his messages that long?_ he thought. His curiosity quirked as he moved towards the machine, but not before unplugging the telephone line. If this kid had called him eighty-seven times, that would mean he had been calling him nonstop since he left the house. And his nonstop calling would definitely interfere with Lavi listening to the messages.

"You have thirty-one new messages," the robotic voice answered after Lavi started up the machine. "To hear your messages press-"

Lavi went ahead and pressed the "play" button; he was too impatient to listen to the standard recording.

After pressing a few more buttons, the first message began playing.

"Yu –No, I mean, _Kanda_- Pick up the phone. I know you're there. I know you're listening to this message right now; you always do this to me. Just pick up the phone. Please pick up, pick up, pick up, pick up, pi-"

Lavi rubbed his temples when he realized the rest of this message was filled with "pick up" and fast forwarded through the rest of the message.

–And when he realized the next six messages were filled with the same thing, he started deleting the messages instead.

_Why would this kid want to be with this "Yu" is if he messed with him so much? _he thought as he continued to skim-listen his messages.

"Please tell me what I did wrong! I'll-" Delete.

"Please call me back! I'll-" Delete.

"Ok, I'm not so sure that you're there now. Instead I-" Delete.

"Maybe you really do want to break up with me-" Delete

"If you don't call me back, I'll kill myself! I swear, I really will-" Dele-

"Wait, _what??_" Lavi exclaimed. But it was too late now; he had already erased the message.

_Ok, remain calm…_ He took in a deep breath and eyed the remaining messages. _Maybe it's just talk, and he won't go through with any of it._

Lavi continued listening through the rest of the messages.

The messages started out with, "I'll kill myself; I really will," and made their way to, "I'll leave you my belongings in my will after I hang myself in my closet." And as the messages grew more and more detailed, Lavi's panic began to heighten.

After listening to the last few messages and, realizing the other boy had no intension of taking back his threats, he rushed to plug back the phone line. Hitting redial, Lavi waited impatiently for the boy to pick up.

Beep…

Beep…

"Come on," he whispered under his breath. "Pick up already."

Beep…

Beep…

"…Hello?"

"You better not kill yourself!" Lavi waited for a response, for something to infer a reaction from the other man. _This boy better not kill himself._

A moment of silence passed through before he answered.

"Wait… who is this?" he asked in an oddly calm tone of voice

Lavi sighed in exasperation. "You really are slow, aren't you?" he said, stopping when he remember reading somewhere that insulting a suicidal person was not a smart action. "I mean… that doesn't matter. What matters is that you shouldn't kill yourself! –Especially not because of something this stupid!"

The boy composure vanished as he grew defensive. "What do you mean 'stupid'? _How is this stupid??_ You think it's stupid to fight for someone you love??"

"_No_," Lavi said, biting his words (_this boy __really__ is slow_), "it's stupid to die for someone like…"

Lavi stopped speaking when he realized his position. Since the boy obviously didn't seem too bright, he probably still thought he was this "Yu" person. And explaining things to dumb people was never one of Lavi's favorite pastimes…

"It's stupid to die for someone like _me_."

Coughing was evident from the other line. "_What?_"

Lavi sighed. "You heard me –I said 'it's stupid to die for someone like me'. I mean, you're such a… great… person, and you obviously deserve to be with someone better."

Lavi paused to take a breath._ I hope I didn't go overboard with the compliments._ And since he was on a roll, Lavi continued on through clenched teeth.

"I mean, you don't want to be with an asshole like me, who messed with you on a constant basis." _…Or did he not say that? I remember he said or implied something about "Yu" messing with him a lot…_

"Well… I don't know. I mean… I don't know…" _Yes! I was right!_

_Ok… guess it's time to wrap up this conversation._

"So there's no need to kill yourself now, right? Since we've reached an understanding and all?"

Lavi moved to hang up the phone but was stopped again.

"Wait! Don't hang up yet!" But Lavi was too tired to care anymore. Yelling a quick "I'm tired of this routine" into the phone, he was then too slow to hang up before the other boy interrupted.

"Wait, if you hang up, I'll kill myself!"

Staring at the headset with a hopeless expression, Lavi brought it slowly back to his ear again. "Ok, what do you want now?"

"I was wondering if you could tell me more…"

"About what?" he asked, feeling his composure running thin once more.

"About… how good of a catch I am…"

Now Lavi was a pretty patient person, but he couldn't help getting frustrated at this request. He opted, instead, for some deep breaths.

"I'm sorry," he said, trying to sidestep the question, "I didn't quite hear you."

"Well I'm glad you take my pain lightly," the other line replied. Lavi, however, didn't hear any sadness in the tone and instead heard it with half-humor. In fact, if he didn't know any better, he'd say the boy was pouting. "But I guess I'll say it again."

"I was wondering if you could tell me… how good of a… catch I am." The boy repeated, although in a slightly stronger tone. In fact to Lavi's suspicious ears, it began to sound a bit too forward for someone so emotionally frazzled.

"I…don't know if I can do that."

"Why? Are you saying that I don't have any more positive traits?" he answered, sounding indignant.

As the voice began to climb the octave scale, Lavi quickly shook his head as if it would be visible to the boy. "No, it's nothing like that. It's just that I… (_be Yu, be Yu and make something up_)… haven't seen you in a while, that's all."

"We should change that then, shouldn't we?" Lavi felt his mouth open at that suggestion.

"_What?_"

He could hear the boy laugh.

"Would you like me to repeat that –even though I'm quite sure you heard?"

Lavi was at a loss for words. How was he supposed to get out of this situation??

"What are you doing Saturday?" the boy asked when Lavi didn't reply.

"I… I can't!" Lavi said, stumbling over his speech. "I'm… busy?"

The boy sighed. "You do know that if you don't at least meet me at least once, I'll kill myself?"

"I…I…" _What now? I can't exactly let him kill himself! –What kind of person would that make me?_

"I mean… I…" _But then… this might work to my advantage! –If I show him that I'm not this "Yu" person, I won't be held liable for anything this boy does!_

…_Well, I'd still feel a bit guilty but definitely not as much if he realized that I'm not his boyfriend._

"Ok!" Lavi answered with probably too much enthusiasm.

"Great!" although the other boy's response was much more zealous than Lavi's. "Let's meet at City Park, at the café inside by the fountain. At… around two p.m."

"…Wait! City Park? I don't live anywhere around th-"

Click. The other boy had already hung up, leaving Lavi to alone to stare at the phone.

Maybe, this wasn't such a good idea? Lavi shook his head as he returned the phone back onto the receiver.

_Maybe… I'm being too nice_, he thought listlessly as he walked over to his bookshelf and searched for a map. Looking through each carefully, he couldn't help his thoughts from wandering about.

_For some reason, I think that if I ever met this "Yu" person, I'd like to tease him a lot_, he thought as he removed another book from the shelf, _but I'm not exactly sure why…_

And when he finally found the map, stuffed inside a broken down paperback novel, he didn't have much time to sort through his thoughts before the phone rang again.

_What now?_ he thought as he picked up the phone knowingly.

"What is it now?"

"I was just wondering what your favorite type of muffin is." The random reply was done in a very cool fashion, as if it was a popular greeting.

"W-What?" Lavi found himself asking.

"You should tell me, or I'll kill myself." _…Is this boy playing me? Knowing that I'd agree to such a threat?_

"What are you trying to get-"

"Just tell me." _…Yeah, I think he is._

"Blueberry." Came the first response he thought up.

The boy giggled into the phone before hanging up, without saying any sort of "goodbye".

Lavi found himself staring at the phone, listening to the dead line. He stood there for a good while longer before shaking his head and putting away the phone.

_This is going to be…interesting._

-o-

Panting slightly, Lavi clutched his chest as he took a seat on the fountain's rim. His car had conveniently broken down and, since he was a man of his word (…well, most of the time; this, however, was a special case since he didn't want to be pinned for associated suicide), he tried everything in his power to make it to the event; which meant he had to run the entire way there.

Lavi continued to pant, although not as laboriously, as he checked his watch. It was two forty-three, making him officially late. He glanced around for a sign of the boy's presence.

…When he realized he had no idea what this kid looked like.

"Shit!" he cursed loudly. _Why didn't I ask him?_

He searched the crowds sitting at the nearby café for a boy who would seem to be, bluntly put, suicidal. And when he realized that no one there fit the stereotypical definition of depressed, Lavi sighed loudly.

"Shit!" he cursed once again. "Now what??"

"'Now what' what?" answered a voice from behind. Lavi jumped at the sudden response and turned around to see a white-haired boy, clothed in a hoodie and jeans.

Before Lavi could answer, the boy pulled out a muffin and held it out. "Blueberry, right?" he asked with a bright smile.

Still a bit shocked by the boy's sudden appearance, Lavi dumbly accepted the muffin with a muffled 'Thanks' and followed the boy over to a café table.

After seating himself, Lavi glanced at the boy carefully. "You know, for someone who sounded so suicidal… you don't exactly look it."

"That's because I'm not. I only said that to stop Yu from breaking up with me.

"By the way, I'm Allen Walker," the boy said as he seated himself down as well, across Lavi. And it was only upon hearing those words did he remember his original mission.

"Oh!" Lavi exclaimed, "I'm here to tell you that I'm… not… Yu…" His words trailed off near the end when he realized Allen, who was still grinning, had already known that.

"Really? I couldn't tell at all!" Lavi laughed weakly at the sarcasm before realizing that something was off with this whole situation.

_Very_ off.

"Wait… how did you know it was me? No, wait, I meant to ask- Wait, I don't even know how to phrase my question."

"I knew it was you because you seemed like the only person around who looked nice enough to waste his time comforting a suicidal stranger," Allen answered without looking at Lavi, as he carelessly flipping through the menu. Then waving over a waiter, he placed an order for two Mocha's before turning his attention back to Lavi. "Does that answer your question?"

"Well… yes –No! I mean, no it doesn't!" he yelled, standing up from his seat. "When did you realize that I wasn't your boyfriend-"

"_Ex_-boyfriend."

"Same thing."

Allen laughed again before waving Lavi down. "You really should be a bit more sensitive to my pain. But to answer your question: you just weren't a very convincing Yu."

"…Why? Was my imitation of him _that_ bad?"

"Well, it was a bit out of character but that's not what really gave it away. What gave it away was," Allen stretched his lips into a pout, "the fact that he would never call me back! –Not even if I threatened to suicide."

"…"

_That was… unexpected._

"Wait, no!" Lavi replied in a sudden realization. "That doesn't make any sense! If you knew I wasn't him this whole time, then why am I even here??"

"To spend time with me?" the boy's eyes grew several times larger, as if trying to pull off the "pity and love me" look.

Lavi felt his mouth open into a gape. When Allen noticed his stares, he tried his best to widen his eyes even more.

"What? I really wanted to meet the person who would pretend to be Yu just to console me. Is that such a crime?"

_Yes it is!_ but Lavi didn't say that. Instead, he sighed and said: "Well, I guess it's not?

"And now that you've met me, I guess I'll be going now." Getting up from his seat, he reached into his pocket to pull out a few bills.

"If you go, I'll kill myself."

Lavi stopped dead to look at Allen, who was sitting calmly in his seat, cheerfully sipping his drink.

"_What?_" Lavi asked slowly. Allen glanced up from his drink to smile brightly.

"If you go, I'll_ kill _myself," he said, making eye contact.

…_This boy is definitely playing me…_

_But what am I suppose to do? How do I know for sure that he won't follow through with this?_

_There must be some way I can get out of this_.

"There is no way out of this," Allen said knowingly, as if reading his thoughts. Lavi frowned before slowly settling himself back down.

"…Fine. –This isn't a date, is it?"

"It _is _a date," Allen answered, pushing away his finished drink. "Oh, and I should mention that you're dating me now."

"What?? I'm pretty sure I'm not!"

Allen grabbed for the menu, wondering whether or not he should order another drink for himself. "If you don't, I'll kill myself."

Lavi's frown deepened.

"…You're really enjoying this aren't you?"

"A little."

"But you realize that I'm not gay?"

Setting the menu aside, Allen smiled a smile so luminous that anyone within a seven foot radius could swear they were being blinded. Then pressing his index finger to his lips, he whispered:

"That's ok. Yu wasn't gay when I first met him."

…

…

…

…_Yeah, I'm definitely being played._

* * *

**End.**

* * *

-ooo-

(1) It took me ten minutes to type that line… because I just had to get up from my seat and walk off the awkwardness of how perverted it sounded… -cough  
(2) I'm sorry, but I really wanted to add that in. … Well actually, I wanted to write:  
…Because real men buy groceries.  
_…Damn right they do_, Lavi thought. _-And they can pick out really good bargains too!  
_but I thought that'd be a bit too much. :P

-o-

And here's some more **disclaimers**:

-This is the second time I mentioned _porn_ (in a story)… Sorry, I'm just playing on the stereotype that men use porn to confirm manliness '; hope that doesn't offend anyone.

-As for Lavi not liking the _pop culture_ section in the papers… I guess I was just trying to go for the whole "he doesn't follow trends" and "he's sensitive enough to realize that stars are just people too"; hope I didn't over do that too.

-And I don't support suicide, obsessive behavior, or manipulation in any way. Don't _ever_ kill/hurt yourself! I would rant more about the importance of self-love, but I think the majority of you guys wouldn't like that…

-ooo-

**Reviews are greatly appreciated! :)**

**-Edit-** Since so many of you guys asked for _sequel/prequel_... I'm considering it?  
Not sure thought since I'm not too much a fan of those; ...I guess I'll just wait and see what other reviewers say...


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